The Most Underused Leadership Tool
Giving feedback is probably the most underused leadership tool to inspire and motivate others. Feedback generally comes in two forms; either to motivate someone to improve their performance (close a gap or perform even better) or to appreciate someone for the impact they have.
Someone asked me recently, what’s the best way to give feedback? They were preparing to give mid-year reviews to their team. My response was simple:
“Take time to deeply reflect on that person and be intentional. Think about one thing you sincerely appreciate about them and one thing that if they were to improve, it would have the biggest impact. Perhaps even something so valuable that they will remember for the rest of their career”.
Wow…that’s a high bar. Can you remember feedback you got from someone that helped you be your best? It’s hard to forget.
First, let’s look at appreciation. According to the Conscious Leadership Group, the four elements of masterful appreciation are:
Unarguable. “You’re the most thoughtful person I know” is arguable and in my opinion, this is flattery. People often take it with a grain of salt or bat it away because on some level, they know it is arguable (not the truth). An unarguable statement is more like “I appreciate your thoughtfulness”. It is unarguable because it is about your appreciation of them, not a declaration of who they are or are not.
Succinct. Keep it short. Laying it on thick makes it hard to digest and it often gets uncomfortable – both for the giver and receiver. The sentiment, sincerity and impact get lost in a long-winded appreciation.
Specific. Link your appreciation to something specific about that person. This ensures that they “get” what you are talking about. You get a gold star if you can state the impact. E.g. “I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Last week, you offered to run Project X Meetings. I was a little stressed with the CEO visit and your support really allowed be to focus on that – thank you”
Sincere. You’ve got to mean it. You know its sincere if you can sense it resonating in your body; you are “feeing it” as you as you say the words.
Here is a brief video explaining these points (video)
Now, let’s look at giving feedback to inspire better performance or to close a gap.
The same rules apply – be unarguable, specific, succinct and sincere. I would also add: Check in with yourself to see if you are open, curious and have a growth mindset. If you are coming from a place of blame, defensiveness or wanting to “fix” someone, your feedback may fall flat, be too “nice” or even have a toxic residue.
It’s also useful to have a few phrases in your repertoire so that it rolls easily. Here are a few of my favorites:
Something I would like to see more of from you is __________
You would be more powerful to me if you __________
I would trust you more if __________
When you say/do X__________ my energy drops/rises.
A blind spot I think you have is__________
A relationship I would like to see you improve is with __________
More guidance is provided in these two handouts from the Conscious Leadership Group.
Use appreciation and developmental feedback often; not just at review time. The closer to the event, the more impactful it is. You might have heard that a ratio of 4:1 (appreciation: developmental) is a good rough guide.
The best way to inspire or motivate someone is to let them know how you experience them and the impact they have on you and others.