Avoid the Authenticity Trap

“That’s just not me…I need to be authentic”. This is a common objection offered by leaders when it comes to adjusting their leadership style or developing a specific competency. Such leaders are typically outstanding in their field and lead with vision, values and valor (head, heart and guts).  With that level of committment, how is it that they balk at making changes in their leadership style or behavior?

Many people fall into this “authenticity trap” by believing that their new behavior has to be authentic. If it’s too much of a stretch, they refuse to take it on and they end up not changing or achieving the very thing they want. What should a leader do?  To a large extent, this is a mindset issue about how “fixed” we are in our identity, behavior and growth.

Below are 3 mindset shifts a leader can adopt to get around this problem.

Three shifts to avoid the Authenticity Trap

1.  From fixed to fluid identity

How a leader sees himself or herself - their notion of identity - will have a big impact on how well they take on the development challenge. Some leaders have a very strong (or fixed) idea of who they are at work. How they behave must be aligned with this version of themselves. We are not talking about values here. It sounds more like “I am this” or “I am not that”. These leaders can be described as True-to-Selfers meaning that they strive to act in accordance with who they (believe they) are. So it’s no wonder that such leaders have difficulty stretching into a new style; especially if “ I am not that” is somehow represented in the new stye. Not all leaders are like this. Some leaders are more chameleon-like and find it easy to show up differently in various situations. For them, trying on new styles is not an issue. It’s adaptive.

The fact is, we humans have multiple identities, or aspects of self.  Examples might be: Social media self; Boss or parent self (authority figure self); Lover self; Inner selves (judge, critic, inner child); secret self (e.g. shower singer self); past selves; future selves.  Which one are we being true to?  All of these selves exist even if they don’t always come out to play.   There’s a whole dynamic system here that makes us who we are and who we are becoming.  

As we strive to improve our game, a clear and firm sense of self is a compass that helps us navigate choices and progress toward our goals. But when we’re looking to change our game, a too rigid self-concept becomes an anchor that keeps us from sailing forth.

The Authenticity Paradox, HBR January-February 2015, Herminia Ibarra.

What’s the antidote?  The antidote is to take a broader perspective of who we are.  It’s possible that we have carefully curated our reputation and identity at work in a certain way.  This may not reflect the totality of who we are.  Think of yourself in other contexts and be willing to apply those aspects of self in the work environment.  It will still be part of who you are.  

2. From personality to behavior

The second shift is to think about changing your behavior; not changing your personality.

So perhaps you've taken a personality assessment (DISC, Myers-Briggs, the Enneagram, etc. It doesn’t matter) and you realize that you are direct, concise and logical. Your coach or HR person has given you the feedback that your team wants you to be a more empathetic leader… more tuned into people’s feelings. Yikes! So now you’re being told that you have to change your very personality. This is hard. It is not “who you are”, you think. Well, here’s the deal. Don't go out and try to “connect” with everyone all of a sudden. This would be inauthentic. There are two aspects to changing your behavior as it relates to personality style: 1) Your triggers; and 2) Other people’s style.

First, figure out your triggers and tone them down. We typically become triggered when under pressure. In this example, your triggered self might be impatient and controlling. The development action is to tone down “impatient and controlling”. It is not to switch styles and become the team’s heartbeat.

The goal is to prevent your triggered self from taking over - it is not trying to become someone you are not.

The second step is to treat people as THEY would like to be treated - not as you would like to be treated. We are so familiar with the Golden Rule - Treat others as you would like to be treated - that it’s almost hard wired. Yes, it’s a good rule… when applied to the virtues (kindness, compassion, patience, fairness, etc.). However, when it comes to leadership style and adaptability, the rule “treat others as they would like to be treated” works far better.

Take the example where your team wants you to be more empathetic. Now let’s reframe the situation from you to them. You don’t have to change who you are but rather, treat them how they would like to be treated. In this example, what might that be? It could be more time to talk in meetings, a check-in on major decisions, a review of standing meeting topics, more diversity of viewpoints, more consideration of the details in a strategic rollout, etc. All of this you can do without changing your spots.

2. From Fixed to Growth Mindset

And finally - you can actually change your spots (despite the old leopard adage). It just doesn’t happen overnight.

A lot has been written about fixed vs. growth mindset.  A fixed mindset is one where you believe that personality, intelligence and talent are innate and fixed.  In other words, there is a limit to what you can do based on your inherent gifts and talents.  Furthermore, research in the last 20 years in the field of neuroscience proves that the brain is very plastic and has the ability to re-wire itself.

A growth mindset is one where you believe fundamentally that you can achieve something through perseverance, grit or practice (effort).  Experiments have shown that a growth mindset alone is the biggest predictor of growth and success.  

“no matter what your ability is, effort is what ignites that ability and turns it into accomplishment.”

― Carol S. Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology Of Success

When we say “it’s just not me…. it won’t work” we have a fixed mindset.  A growth mindset reflects what we truly want and a willingness to take action. Our abilities are not fixed - and neither is our personality. Research on personality shows that aspects of our personality shift with major life events, significant role shifts and often after mid-life. We are always becoming the future version of ourselves. 

Summary

In summary, trying on new behavior can feel “fake” to some people, especially the true-to-selfers. Try to think of it as experimenting with aspects of your “self”. This does not happen overnight. It takes time. In the meantime, find out what people want from you and provide that “out there” to them. Do this often enough and you will become that leader on the inside too - hard won and authentically you.